Even A Talkoholic Can Learn To Listen

• Blogs Home
• More Posts

Posted by: Leah Gartner | Monday, July 29th, 2024 (12:00am)

"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." James 1:19-20 NIV 

I am an extremely auditory person, meaning my brain seems to process what I hear above anything else. Growing up in school the best way for me to remember something was to hear it. One of my first college professors made the mistake of telling the class that the exam questions would come from the book. So of course, most of the students stopped attending class, but I was always there. She told me one day how grateful she was that I showed up, but for me it was a matter of necessity. I knew I would remember the material if I heard her lectures versus just reading the book.  

On the flip side of learning by hearing, this also means that I am very vocal aka I talk… A LOT!  Because I process my thoughts best when I am talking them through…out loud. I talk to myself when I write (yes, I talked while writing this blog), studying for a test, when I’m processing complex budget issues, when I am thinking about what to make for dinner…EVERYTHING. I am the weird lady you see walking down the street talking to herself. Something my kids remind me of often.  

All of this, very wordy explanation, to say, being “quick to listen and slow to speak” isn’t exactly my strong suit.  

When I hear something I disagree with, my brain and mouth immediately spring into action, building my argument before the other person is even done talking. Even if my friend is telling a great story, words start spilling out of my mouth describing how the “the same thing just happened to me!”. And I’m pretty sure my husband needs my help finishing his stories and sometimes even sentences (he really loves that). 

Apparently, my motto is “speak now, listen later”, but as my pastor used to say, “if God and I disagree, I better change my answer”.  

At this point in my 40something year journey, I have been learning the hard lessons of what meaningful connection is. What it means to help another person feel seen, heard and cared for. To learn how to close my mouth long enough to hear their side of the story and not just assume it. We all know what happens when we assume.  

Being quick to listen means, I want to hear where you are coming from, that I want to hear the intention of your heart, and a promise that I am not going to interrupt you with my version of how the blanks should be filled in, because 9 times out of 10, my version will be wrong. It is an action of knowing, understanding and truly connecting with another person.  Being slow to speak means that I am not immediately trying to, justify my thoughts and feelings so I can save face, prove to everyone how smart I am, or that my story is the funniest thing anyone has ever heard. It is a humbleness of heart to put my thoughts second so someone else can be first for a change.  

Holding my tongue and truly listening are especially important when it comes to my “human anger”. Nothing gets me talking louder and faster than when I perceive that I have been disrespected or ignored (just ask my kids when they don’t empty the dishwasher, I’m a work in progress). But perception is a tricky thing, and it can really get me in trouble…there I go filling in the blanks again.  

After all, Satan really wants me to think the worst of people, to misread intentions and accuse them of thoughts they never even had. I can almost hear the whisper in my ear “you know they did that to annoy you, they just don’t even care”.  His goal is the great disconnect, from God and each other. Just like Eve, he wants me to believe the lie that God does not have my best interest at heart and neither does anyone else.  

But what if I was slow to speak. What if I actually gave myself the time to reflect on why this thing that was done or said made me so angry, and in turn took that to God and talked to him about it. What if I was quick to listen to His voice and connect with His true heart of love and wisdom.  My guess is that when it was my turn to talk it would come out in a different way. That I would seek truth and perspective and not just to prove my point. That my words would “be good and helpful, and an encouragement to those who heard them” (Ephesians 4:29). And if an unjust act against me was truly made I could confront it in a way that was seasoned with grace and the Holy Spirit and not from my own flesh.  

At the end of the day, it’s ok that I talk a lot, after all that’s how God made me. But if I can learn to listen more, especially to God’s voice, when I do speak it will bring life. This walk with Christ is a daily journey of transformation and dying to my old self. But I am learning to change my answer because I know that God’s way is always right. 

Meet the Hosts