Peace...Finding Rest in God

Posted by: Leah Gartner | Thursday, September 12th, 2024 (12:00am)

"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe." PSALM 4:8 | NLT  

Sometimes I can see a verse like this, and it makes me frustrated (just being real). It’s a great catch phrase for a coffee mug “let go and let God” or a 90’s infomercial, “Peace…It’s so easy anyone can do it!” But how do I truly let go? How do I have peace in all things to the point that I can lay may head on the pillow at night and fall…asleep.

About 10 years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It felt like a whirlwind, a mix of every emotion all at once. Like I was walking through a movie and not real life. I seesawed between freaking out and being so scared, to keeping other people from freaking out and being scared. My phone rang constantly with different doctors, nurses and social workers, asking questions, making appointments, going to appointments. Supportive family members coming over with meals, cleaning my house, taking care of my kids. Things that were necessary, super helpful, loving, and…. kept me very busy and distracted. But I DREADED bedtime.

When the quiet came, there was no shutting out the reality of the situation. No shutting out that I had cancer, that I might not make it, wondering what my husband would do? What about my kids? My thoughts came in crashing waves that I couldn’t stop, a pressure on my chest like an elephant, it was the first time I understood what an anxiety attack was. Drowning in my thoughts unable to find the life raft, struggling with all my might to get to the surface. I remember hearing one little word, pray.

I woke my husband up, (because, no offense men, he of course fell asleep just fine) and I said, “I am not doing good and I need you to pray for me right now” and he did. He prayed for a long time, we prayed for that supernatural kind of peace that only God can give, the kind that “surpasses all understanding”. Because there is no human understanding when you have cancer, or your spouse or child dies, or you lose a job or get a divorce. Of course I wanted to be healed (and praise Jesus I was) but I also needed to know that I could trust God no matter what happened. I needed to know I wasn’t alone, He was holding me, and He wasn’t going to let go. I didn’t have to solve all of the problems or have all of the answers. That no matter what happened God was going to make it ok, because He is God, He is mighty, strong, gentle and kind. He is love itself. Nothing is impossible for Him and nothing is a surprise.

I could have peace through all things, I wasn’t expected to have peace in the things because I could put my trust in Him.

Now, we had to pray that prayer often, I mean like sometimes 50 times a day. We put verses up all over our house to remind ourselves of who God was. We sang worship songs and praised Him. We meditated on the word day and night, it was not just a catch phrase and a fun thing to say, “peace that surpasses all understanding” became a part of our hearts. “We put it on our doorposts and wrote it on our foreheads.”

Then one night I laid down and I just.. fell.. asleep... I’m sure part of it was plain exhaustion, but it wasn’t just that. All of the voices in my head were quiet accept one, my Heavenly Father saying, “I got you, you can rest because I am fighting for you, have already fought for you”. I still had cancer that day, still struggled and cried in the bathroom, still had appointments and responsibilities, (because I am human and not an alien) but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was not alone. God was in it with me, He knew the plan and I could find peace with him. I often fell asleep with the image of being held by God. I’m guessing it’s how my babies felt when I held them. Babies aren’t in control of anything, but they somehow knew they were safe, that I would protect them with my life and not let them fall. How much greater it is to be held by my perfect Father who is the essence of love itself.

Even now there are nights when the tv turns off and the conversation stops, and my mind starts racing. I try to tune into that still small voice that says, “I’ve got you, you can rest in me”. I am still a child safe in my Fathers arms, and there is no better place to be.